vampires being the lactose intolerants of the monster world
“Yes I’m violently allergic to garlic but what’s the point of unliving without Italian food?”
“I know silver is bad for me but this necklace was SO cute and it was on sale”
“Technically sunlight burns my skin but with enough layers and aloe lotion-”
Tag: vampire humor
What if someone got bitten by a vampire, but didn’t realize it. So then they go around and keep misidentifying all the symptoms, like
“Dude, you haven’t gone outside in a while.”
“Yeah, last time I went out I got this wicked sunburn.”“Are you still up?”
“Yeah, I started bing watching this show on Netflix.”“Dude, I’m seriously craving something right now.”
“Like what?”
“I dunno. Pizza rolls?”“Why is it that you never come into my house unless I invite you?”
“Um, it’s called ‘being polite’…?”“I tried cooking with garlic the other night and got this serious burn on my hand. I think I’m allergic, but all I’m getting on Google is vampire bullshit.”
“Dude can a mirror like… stop working or something?”
“Dude, why do you keep posting pictures of the floor?”
“…Those are meant to be selfies, I guess my camera must be broken.”“Dude, I am all for you expressing your religious beliefs, but could you not wear your crucifix when I’m around? It really bugs me for some reason.”
“Have you ever noticed how cute bats are? like really noticed? sweet lil balls of fluff with wings man.”
“I want to sleep in a coffin…ya kno, for like… aesthetic”
“What’s with your thing about necks lately?”
“MUST YOU KINKSHAME ME IN MY OWN HOME”
“I looked up my symptoms on WebMD, and it says I have cancer.”
Loki is the Philosopher King 