Tag: tw: suicide

lokizillas:

startraveller776:

I’m going to point it out again: Another genius moment in acting/directing. Look at his expression. He feels nothing. Nothing at all.

There’s no one to put on a show for here. There’s no need for posturing when he doesn’t have an audience. And what do we get when he’s basically alone? Nothing. He feels nothing.

Like I said in a previous post (when he dropped Thor from the helocarrier), this is not a lack of sympathy or regret necessarily. This is not a lack of the normal spectrum of emotions. This is a lack of resolution. He went into this mad plan with expectations. Expectations of feeling powerful. Of finally being equal to Thor—maybe even more. Of revenge. None of those expectations are fulfilled (long before he gets Hulk-smashed).

I’m going to put forth an unusual speculation here. His actions, particularly in these moments, speak less of  being a sociopath or psychopath, and more of severe depression. I’m not talking about the blues when you’re having a bad day or a bad week. Severe depression is not being sad all the time.

It’s being numb. All. The. Time. It’s feeling nothing when you know you should feel something. It’s not caring. About anything.

Severe depression messes with your moral center (and I don’t mean religious morals). It’s very difficult to differentiate between right or wrong because you feel no guilt, no shame, no elation. The quest becomes less about finding happiness (while in the throes of such an acute depression, happiness is not only impossible, the notion is utterly unbelievable—a fiction without any truth). The quest is merely to feel better. To feel at all.

Think about it. Despite his act of insincerity, Loki was probably prone to brooding even before his world fell apart. He probably experienced bouts of mild to moderate depression throughout his life. (The mischief might have helped to alleviate that.) Then he finds out what he is—not the son of Odin (whose approval he desperately wanted)—but one of very enemy he was raised to hate. Fast forward through his botched attempt at genocide, fratricide and successful patricide—then a fall through the vortex of the dying Bifrost (who knows what happened there?), and finally he was held captive by Thanos.

How is he not depressed? (If not suffering from a complete psychosis.) And I doubt he is not cognizant enough to realize the severity of his mental illness.

And so he pursues these things, thinking that he’ll feel better (that he’ll feel something) and in the end, he still feels nothing.

You’ll never convince me that Loki’s look of blankness as he lets go of Gungnir, that that was a suicide attempt, is not part of some severe depression issues and that everything just gets magnified to about a thousand times worse and twisted up when he goes through the Void.

shameless-loki:

Take a moment to look at The Dark World from Odin’s point of view

The last time Odin saw his son, he watched him trying to kill himself and dying, as he believed 

So now imagine seeing your son after this incident, knowing only a part of what happened while you thought he’s dead but never bothering to ask, and imagine still having the stomach to tell your kid that he wasn’t supposed to live. To the same child you saved, raised and then watched committing suicide. Let that sink in.

asgardodinsons:

#this is literally the last thing you should say to your son who is clearly in the middle of a psychological breakdown #after learning he was adopted from a race he was taught to hate his whole life #and is now hanging over the abyss of space pleading with you to accept the monster he thinks he is #after you went to sleep right in the middle of the big reveal and left him to rule a whole planet #in what is probably the most emotionally crippling state of his life #literally the last thing you should fucking say

potrix-the-queerschlaeger:

kcsplace:

themightytor:

voce-morti:

psychosis–suggestions:

Therapists aren’t people who you “pay to pretend to care about you”, therapists are people you pay to teach you how to care for yourself

Me: I am violently depressed.

Therapist: Oh! Sounds like you need to do YOGA! That will help!

Me: *signs up for yoga*

Me: *is violently depressed in Downward Dog*

Me: I hate myself and only see my flaws

Therapist: ok lets refocus on things you like about yourself. This week i want you to try and journal about good things you’ve for yourself and others.

Me: *does the homework* yeah but i still hate myself but feel bad cause i shouldn’t

Therapist: feeling like you shouldn’t hate yourself is a step in the right direction. Mental health is complex and isn’t something that will ~magically~ improve. We have a lot of hard work head of us but I’ll be here to help you.

TL;DR stop perpetuating the idea that therapy is unhelpful because the results are not instantaneous.

FUCKING THIS.

As a psychologist the amount of bullshit on this site, the amount of fucking dangerous bullshit on this site about how therapy is neurotypical bullshit and isn’t worth it and how exercise is pointless and good diet is pointless and that therapy homework is pointless DRIVES ME UP THE FUCKING WALL

Exercise is fucking important.
good diet is fucking important
therapy is fucking important.
WHY???

because pills alone don’t help. they improve the hormonal imbalance (as does exercise and good diet which ALSO are a form of very real self care as your physical being is sorta connected to your mental one but go fucking figure right?), but guess what? the suicidal thoughts, the thoughts of harm, the thoughts of hating yourself, they’re still there.  suicides actually increase when medicated.  why? because suddenly you have the energy to fulfill thoughts of harming yourself.  which is why you NEED therapy alongside pills.

it has taken you years, or decades to create your maladaptive thought processes and behaviours.  that shit doesn’t disappear overnight. core beliefs don’t change overnight. these are the very fucking core of your personhood, your being and personality. THAT TAKES TIME TO CHANGE

STOP ACTING LIKE THERAPY IS SHIT IF IT DOESNT WORK IN TWO SESSIONS

^This!!!!!

loxxxlay:

was tagged by both @aliceinthinkland and @veliseraptor (ahhhh thank you both *_* <3). I know i don’t do these anymore, but I guess the power of my vanity has beaten my anxiety for the moment lmao (in seriousness, I’m super insecure, so this is probably good for me anyway)

Hello, you have been identified as An Awesome Fic Writer™. Congrats, you rock! So that all of your readers can shower you with some extra love today, please tell us your favourite five stories of yours and why you like them and then send this to another five fic authors you think deserve this title!

A Moment of Peace

A huge flaw in my writing is that I suck at grounding the reader in the scene. So literally when I wrote this, my #1 goal was to engage the five senses (via Thor whump lol) and really practice that description. (Please don’t reread the first chapter now bc you can literally see me ticking the 5 senses off, one by one lmao.) Even in later chapters, I wrote things massively out of my comfort zone (i.e. fight scenes ew, dialog between more than 2 characters ewwww), and it was really hard, but I think it came out well. And overall, I’m just really happy with my speculation for IW 🙂 Sorry to brag, but even my insecure self can say I like Loki better in this than the canon Loki we got. esp in the chapter I’m writing now :’)

Brothers of Habit

the accumulation of my favorite favorite favorite things ever, including (but not limited to) trauma-bonding/shared trauma, complicated consent, thor whump, loki whump, brotherly angst and comfort, noncon, and noncon recovery. It was one of those fics where The Words randomly appeared at 3am, waking me up and forcing themselves on my crappy phone keyboard in pitch darkness, which, as most authors know, is super fun. (: And I’m just really proud of how the concept (“Thor and Loki have fucked so much that now they can’t stop???”) actually turned out rather…. believably? And not like a crack!fic??? Am both proud and relieved. XD Also I’m happy with the prose itself 😀

Tempting Death

obviously this was written like 5 billion years ago, so I hope I can write a little better now, but for that time of my life, it was probably the best writing I was capable of and I’m really proud of it even to this day. Writing about psychological brainwashing on a character post-suicide-attempt is exactly as fun as it sounds (assuming ur like me lmao)

The Little Things

ahh different fandom (and seriously if u like Loki at all for the same reasons that I like Loki, I highly recommend the manga TRC ok), but I am so happy with this fic. o.o One of my biggest irritations about the manga was how Fai, after having an incredibly well done mental illness arc, was like… instantly cured at the end? So this fic was about showing the leftover difficulties in his recovery and how he has to continuously learn healthier and non-toxic coping mechanisms. Much slower recovery, never cured, and just an analysis of how his relationship with Kurogane is healthy&positive all around. I loved writing this ❤

One Last Breath

this one isn’t a fic, it’s an original short story I wrote about rape culture and, on recommendation from a professor, am thinking about trying to publish, idk, we’ll see. But I wrote it for one of my assignments last semester, and I just feel like it’s the highest quality of writing I am capable of at the moment, and I’m really proud of it. And if I ever become Not Depressed and magically publish it or (more likely) get rejected too many times, I’ll let anyone who wants to read it ^_^ ❤

Tagging (trying to go for people who actually have much more than 5 fics lol or weren’t already tagged): @raven-brings-light @dictionarywrites @zombiecheetah @iamanartichoke @philosopherking1887 @foundlingmother @thotki @pro-antagonist @gorgeousgalatea (and as always, only if you want to 🙂 )

Thanks so much for the tag! I’ll get to it… sometime. Maybe when I have furniture? I don’t know. Moving is weird purgatory. Anyway, I’m reblogging this to give your self-recs some more exposure 🙂

Depression & Reaching Out

portraitoftheoddity:

I’m seeing a lot on social media this week about encouraging people who suffer from depression to reach out for help, call crisis lines, etc. And all of that’s great, and important!

But let’s also talk about everyone else.

Reaching out goes both ways. And there’s ways to help beyond just pasting suicide hotline numbers all over your online accounts whenever a celebrity takes their life, and making vague statements about how ‘you can always talk to me!’ to no one in particular. A few suggestions, from someone who has been dangerously depressed in the past:

  • If you’ve struggled with depression yourself, consider being open about your experiences (if you are comfortable with doing so and will not be endangered financially or in other ways). Open and honest discussions about mental health help to de-stigmatize it, and also allow others to know you’re someone they can talk to who won’t judge them, and who understands a little about what they’re going through.
  • On the topic of not judging – avoid complaining about or describing mental health crises as attention-seeking behavior to depressed loved ones, or on platforms where they will see it. Nothing is more likely to make someone choose not to reach out than the fear that their cry for help will be branded as a cry for attention or some egocentric attempt to make drama.
    • Calling other people who attempted or successfully committed suicide “selfish” or otherwise condemning them for losing the fight to depression by attributing it to some kind of character flaw falls in this category. 
  • If you have friends or loved ones who you know struggle with depression, talk to them about it. Don’t make it some big intervention and interrogation – just a casual conversation about an aspect of their life. Learn how their depressive episodes manifest, and what the warning signs are likely to be when they’re having a low swing. 
    • Once you know how their episodes manifest, keep an eye out for their warning signs and check in with them if you’re seeing red flags.
    • Also check in at times when you know they’re under a lot of stress.  If they’re going through a major life crisis (loss of a job, loss of a loved one, end of a relationship, massive debt, etc), pay particularly close attention. (A close friend always used to call and check in with me when I had final exams to make sure I was doing okay, because he knew I was always a wreck then.)
  • If you otherwise notice a friend or loved one retreating from social interaction, isolating themselves, forgoing activities they usually enjoy, or displaying other indicators of depression – don’t just wait for them to reach out to you. Reach out to them. “Hey, I haven’t heard much from you in a while – how are you doing?” / “Noticed you’ve been quiet. Is everything okay?” / “You seen a little down; do you wanna hang out and talk sometime?“ 
    • Even if nothing’s really wrong, showing that you’re someone who will notice something is off and that you care enough to reach out will make someone more likely to trust that they can actually reach out to you in turn when they need it. It also challenges the depressive belief that ‘no one will miss me or notice that I’m gone.’
  • And lastly, when someone does reach out, or when you’ve reached out to them and asked them to tell you how they’re doing – be calm and listen. Don’t freak out. Don’t make it about you, and how worried you are, how scared you are, or how upsetting it is for you. They feel guilty and awful and like a burden enough already. Just listen, really listen, instead of just thinking of what you’ll say once they’re done talking. 

It’s great to tell people they can reach out to you in a crisis, but it’s even better to back those words up with actions that support it. It’s good to urge people to reach out, but it’s better to reach out in turn and meet them in the middle somewhere. Depression is an absolute bitch, and we all have to work together to support one another and be proactive when someone is drowning in it. 

“Avoid complaining about or describing mental health crises as attention-seeking behavior to depressed loved ones, or on platforms where they will see it. Nothing is more likely to make someone choose not to reach out than the fear that their cry for help will be branded as a cry for attention or some egocentric attempt to make drama. Calling other people who attempted or successfully committed suicide ‘selfish’ or otherwise condemning them for losing the fight to depression by attributing it to some kind of character flaw falls in this category.”

^^^ That. The expression “cry for help” drives me nuts because it’s entirely too easy to hear it as “Oh, they don’t mean it, they’re not really that depressed, they’re just looking for attention.” That kind of rhetoric just encourages people (read: past me) to think they shouldn’t tell anyone they’re thinking about it until they’ve found a method that’s sure to work.