everyone (myself included) keeps making these really awful posts about how peter died in the suit tony made to protect him but it’s really hard to take that seriously now that i know he was wearing a shirt that fuckin says “lettuce, the taste of sadness” under his suit the entire goddamn movie
god im just thinking about how much going to public school in the MCU would’ve made me hate captain america. every time i got caught giving some bitch the finger or writing on bathroom walls or ditching class or stealing books from the library cause i got a fine or what have you, and then they gave me lunch detention or ISS and i sat in that dumbass eraser-smelling room and im in My Chair (the chair i always sit in and yell at anyone else who tries to take it), fuming, arms crossed, full of teen angst and hating everyone around me, and AGAIN had to watch this stupid fucking video ive already seen so many times that i know it by heart and every word grates on my eardrums and i’d just see this fuckin familiar face
and i would be ready to LOSE MY SHIT
Villain Origin Story
god imagine Steve giving Peter his Captain America is Disappointed in You face/lecture over something dumb and Peter just fucking dissociating and zoning back in to “Peter! Are you even listening to me???” and looking him in the eye and being like “I’m completely immune at this point. You can’t even touch me.” and walking the fuck away
The best part is that there are SO MANY DISASTERS IN THE MCU that there could legitimately be like eight to twelve teams of absolute failures attempting and failing to survive basic tasks.
Like, you have the people who are good at undercover high-level spy work but not really at humaning.
You have the people excellent at science but completely unprepared to take care of anything in their own lives.
You have the people who otherwise seem competent but see nothing wrong with throwing themselves from great heights without a parachute because fuck gravity, I guess, they have superserum or wings and that makes it totally fine.
You have the people just totally unfamiliar with earth.
When Star Lord said that Thor was tall “and not handsome” Peter’s head whIPPED UP and he looked extremey confused which is how a bi boy who has a crush on Thor would react check and mate
also in homecoming when he meets the thieves in avengers masks he tells the thor one “i thought you’d be more handsome in person” and does impressions of thor in the mirror. everyone talks about tony being peters hero and idol but his fanboy crush is totally thor
Concept: Peter Parker making a Spiderman Instagram account that becomes verified and has over 1m followers and one night at 2 am when he’s making a depressing finsta post he accidentally posts it to SpiderManOfficial
Peter’s caption on a snapchat selfie of him crying in the dark: God isn’t it so great that my life is falling apart!!!!!! It’s so fun!1!1! Ned is ignoring me for whatever reason and May is stressing me tf out and my goddamn internship is going to actual fucking shit everyone hates me and that’s fine!!!!!! Fuck me I guess !!!! I’m gonna die alone :-)))))))
Everyone following @ SpiderManOfficial:
This is followed by Tony or anyone that loves Peter to bitter end checking on him right?
Everyone is worried about this mysterious sad little boy and everyone is sending in DMs and trying to figure out who this person on SMO’s account is and if he’s going to be okay. Tony has to smooth things over and say their intern made a mistake managing the social media accounts and that everything’s fine and Pepper is currently reading him a bedtime story while he sips on a cup of hot cocoa and is wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket.
Peter Parker’s instagram feed is filled with selfies with different Avengers and his friends and half-a-dozen of them have Thor and Loki in mid-kiss in the background and Peter hasn’t noticed.
peter parker, expressing his affection as any teen would: thor i would die for you 🙂
thor, gripping his shoulders with the intensity of ten thousand burning suns: i would never let that happen
peter parker, later that week: i would die for you loki
loki, looking him dead in the eye: you will.
drax: [really bad joke]
peter parker: mr. drax? I would die for you
drax, with a pause spent determining that peter is probably joking and then a hearty guffaw: but my muscles and fighting power is several times your own! your death would be meaningless!
peter parker, in the middle of battle with no regard for his own safety: i would die for you
t’challa, who has lived with shuri long enough to know exactly what answer peter is looking for: then perish
Loki is the Philosopher King 