sljdksjd that taika waititi quote about how loki’s last outfit in ragnarok is blue and purple because with hela and the hulk there’s already a lot of green is great and makes a lot of sense but contextually it’s like loki finds out he’s the cheap knockoff handbag to his big sister’s name brand designer handbag and is like FINE I’LL WEAR BLUE AND FUCK JEFF GOLDBLUM I BET HELA NEVER DID THAT HUH
Thor and Loki faced off now across a low mission-style coffee table that was covered with papers—a photograph of a statuesque woman in a power suit right in the middle of it all. The brothers sat in comfortable leather love seats that squeaked in a vaguely amusing way every time they shifted their weight. The first hour of their meeting had been spent negotiating the minutiae of Loki’s compensation, Heimdall presiding in order to draw up the contract. Afterwards he discreetly removed himself to file everything and double check the records, leaving the brothers alone to work out a precise strategy to deal with Hela.
“I just … how did we not know about her? Nothing. It seems impossible.”
Oh look! Is that more angst ahead? Could be. Thank you again, @incredifishface for you amazing help!
Thor had not been quite sure what to expect when Sif told him that she set up an appointment for him at Grand Master Designs, and he was not entirely sure what he was going to say to the proprietor himself, though he suspected the straight-forward approach might not be all that effective, “Hello, I’m Thor Borson, I suspect you’re fucking my little brother, do you think you could arrange for me to talk to him?”
Probably not the best strategy.
Chapter 4 is up–more thanks to @incredifishface for her amazing editing skilz! She is The Boss.
infinity war seems a lot more unnecessary when you remember that the mcu canonically has two (2) elders of the universe who could literally wipe the floor with thanos. like huge battle, Everything is bad, suddenly the grandmaster and the collector roll up in their party bus techno music blaring and thanos is melted into a puddle instantly
“Fuckin sweet” the collector says as he picks up the infinity gauntlet with his bare fucking hands “this is gonna look great above my big screen tv”
“who gives, uh, a shit about some shiny rocks? my trophy twink is here” calls out the grandmaster. he whisks loki away and they disappear in a puff of golden glitter to go play games across the stars
I mean. Fuck. This isn’t wrong
wait the Grandmaster is powerful? its a Deity? I thought he;s just an alien?
he’s, uh, kinda powerful yeah
Hes not nearly strong enough to beat thanos. That list basically just says hes stronger than a human and immortal
“h,hey you big purple dipshit”
says the grandmaster upon 1) rearranging thanos’s matter into vapor and then 2) subjecting each particle to a blinding blast of kinetic energy and then 3) teleporting each god damn remaining particle to a different corner of the universe,
“i know you liked having a, a body, and all, but uhhhhh this is what you get if you mess with my, my beautiful boyfriend here,” he waves over the battlefield and in loki’s general direction, “and the, the rest of the planet too. there’s skee ball here. skee ball, skee ball is great. so wh-whatever”
the collector is still fawning over the pretty rocks stuck in the infinity gauntlet (which he is still holding with his bare fucking hands) but he does get back into the party bus with it, which stan lee is driving
“bye, losers,” loki says before disappearing into the ether with his sugar daddy in a puff of golden glitter. the day is saved. peter parker goes back to school. bucky gets a goddamn nap under an actual blanket. steve and tony have an adult conversation for once. the rest of the movie is character development and constructive relationship building
the mid credits scene is the collector watching sex and the city on his big screen tv with the infinity gauntlet mounted above it in a lovely shadowbox frame
the end credits scene shows the grandmaster and loki in bed cuddling. loki is fast asleep. the grandmaster’s blue makeup is smudged all over loki’s face and neck and the part of his chest that’s visible. just off screen you can hear taika waititi yelling in triumph. jeff goldblum looks directly at the camera and winks. cut to black
yessssssssssssssss
Grandmaster: *on one knee with a diamond ring* Loki, will you marry me?
Loki: *puts diamond ring on* Na.
Loki is the Philosopher King 
