Can i get a step by step on how to do this?
So far for me it’s been something like:
1. Become aware of how and when you tearing yourself down.
2. Now that you can catch yourself doing it. Offer counters to the negative self talk. A really useful thing I read was to talk to yourself almost the way you would child. Gentle and patient. Even when they fuck up.
3. Take time to celebrate your small accomplishments. You’ve been attacking yourself for every little mistake. Apply that same fervor to the positive things in your life. Did the dishes even though you didn’t want to? Fuck yeah! Got up and took shower? YES!!! You are taking positive steps to feeling better. Celebrate it.
4. Make lists of things you’re good at/ like about yourself. The first time I did this the only two things in my list we’re that I liked my hair and I had good friends. It was start.
5. Don’t beat yourself up if you screw up steps 1-4. It’s counter productive. When I catch myself calling my self stupid for some mistake or other my response now is,“We don’t talk to ourselves like that anymore. What’s something constructive that could actually help solve the problem.”
Most of the time that seems to work. Not always. But more and more Everytime.
I hope any of that made sense.
A few more I’ve learned:
- When someone compliments you, don’t deflect.
Make a conscious effort to form a habit of saying, “Thanks, I like it
too!” “Thanks, I’m really proud I finished it!” “Thanks, I worked hard
on it!” “Thanks, I take after my favourite auntie!” etc or even just “Thank you.” Stop using every compliment as an excuse to beat yourself up.- Acknowledge that other people see
value in things you do and are even when those things aren’t 100%
perfect. Try to remember those compliments later and add them to your
mental idea of yourself. Notice that you don’t demand perfection from
others before you’ll like them and try to appreciate yourself the same way.- Also, stop sorrying.
It can be a hard habit to break, but reflexively saying “sorry” every
time you talk or take up space (socially or otherwise) is both a
reflection of and a reinforcement of your own perceived lack of value.
Every time you find yourself sorrying inappropriately, make a point of
thinking, “Actually, I do deserve to talk/be here/(other thing you sorried about).” When appropriate, say it out loud sometimes!- Honestly even if you don’t believe yourself quite yet when you say nice things or stop yourself from saying mean things about yourself – the things you say and repeat in your mind really do impact what you think and how you feel. You have to try to say/think the good things you don’t quite believe, that’s what makes it become possible to eventually believe them.
- Try to set aside some time to do things you feel good about doing, like
volunteer work, learning a skill, or projects where you make or fix
something just for fun. If you are having a hard time trying to figure
out what about yourself you can be proud of, you can just pick something
you would be proud of doing and start doing it.
This is an interesting case study for epistemologists in (1) believing for pragmatic reasons and (2) getting yourself to believe something, not instantaneously but over time, through repetition and strategic attention to evidence.
Loki is the Philosopher King 