see. look at this. 10/10 shield use. covers who body. no bullets for sam
what is this. weak. steve your legs are wide open. steve your feet are swiss cheese. steve your dick is gone it just got blown off. steve. steve. your dick is gone
I read this entirely in Tony’s voice
Tony’s benched cos of an injury, watching the fight from the tower and ‘helping’ them via coms as he watches the video feeds.
And by ‘helping’ I mean ‘critiquing his team’s fighting techniques while high on pain killers.’
@monobuu Rhodey comes up on the feeds and Tony goes on a 10 minute monologue about how perfect Rhodey is in every aspect ever in his life
Loki, about to be taken into custody on Earth: And just who.. are you?
Tony, travelled back in time and just very recently postponed Loki being taken into custody on Earth after giving a hurried explanation: Ah, y’know. Just a regular time travelling joe desperately trying to save the world. Which includes your ass, I might add.
Loki, very sceptically eyeing Tony despite the random aid and explanation: And what makes you think I believe you?
Tony: Nothing. In fact, I expected that. But maybe you’ll believe-
Thor: [shoves Tony out the way]
Tony: Hey-!
Thor: [slams Loki’s body into his]
Loki: [is confused asf]
Tony: [is confused asf, understanding then uncomfortable all within 10 seconds]
Tony: [clears throat then opens his mouth to speak]
Thor, pulls back from hugging Loki in favour of gripping Loki’s neck and staring him in the eyes: He speaks the truth, brother.
Tony, throwing in his two cents before Thor can interrupt him again: See? Not crazy.
Thor: I watched you die. For good.
Loki, thinking how unlikely a scenario it must’ve been given he’s a survivor and trickster above all else: I must have put up quite the fight.
Thor: You… tried to stab him.
Loki: ……That’s it? No magic? Casket of Ancient Winters? Nothing?
Thor: [shakes head from side to side]
Loki: F*cking cinematic universe.
Tony: No kidding. I’m probably going to die this film. Albeit in very heroic fashion, I’m sure. Perks of pioneering the MCU, fan favorite and all that.
Loki: At least you’re allowed your capabilities. I’m a fan favorite as well and yet I’m constantly reduced to the God of Knives.
Thor: Can we stop breaking the fourth wall now, please? I’m not done explaining to Loki there’s a chance he could still be alive because this is his third time fucking dying and though I’d be super pissed I’ll also be elated if he were Banner.
Clint yells the floor is lava as he’s hanging from the vents, recording the chaos
Natasha immediately backflips onto the couch and settles down to watch tv
Thor is shouting because he doesn’t see any lava how does he participate in these festives hawk?!
Steve is standing completely still in confusion
Bruce climbs up onto the coffee table carefully, drinking his tea and looking like it’s totally normal to stand on a coffee table
Tony busts into laughter as the suit assembles around him and he goes to drag Clint out of the vents and drop him onto the floor
Clint starts screaming and climbs Steve, who stands there and lets it happen because jfc these people
Coulson calmly walks in from the elevator and parkours his way over to Tony to drop off paperwork and is gone instantly
Pepper drops by and a walkway pops up from the ground so she can come by and tell tony that he’s going to be late for another gala and her heels click on the way out
Bucky leaps into the air, grabs Steve around the waist and flings them both onto the other couch because Jesus Christ, Stevie, he’s a brainwashed assassin and even he knows not to walk on the floor when it’s lava.
Sam just pops out his wings and hangs out near the ceiling.
T’Challa is just chillin’ while hanging by his claws like the cat that stuck to the rafters after getting thrown there
Don’t forget Peter Parker who instantly webs himself a hammock and hangs from the ceiling watching everyone else scramble
Loki comes in and he vanishes all the the furniture from the game just to watch chaos
Loki is the Philosopher King 