Submitted my first job application of Round 3 on the academic job market.
…and it begins earlier and earlier every year. Like Christmas music playing in stores.
Tag: academic job market hell
I might need to start wearing a sign that says “I don’t know where I’m going to be next year and I don’t know when I’ll know” because having that conversation over and over is really depressing and aggravating.
I gave that response to an overzealous undergrad philosophy major (who may or may not have a misguided crush on me) and he asked, “Oh, is this actually a source of anxiety for you?”, to which I said, rather sharply, “Yeah, no shit.” I kind of feel sorry for scaring him, but honestly…
A professor who taught me when I was an undergrad and who is now at another university and running the search for a postdoc there (let’s call him W) e-mailed me this afternoon to tell me that he’d given the postdoc to another candidate, whom we’ll call B. I actually already knew that, because B (who is my age) is dating a professor in my department, H, and he told me when I saw him at the department on Tuesday and he asked about my job situation. Incidentally, W was dissertation advisor both to H and to B’s dissertation advisor, C; H and C were in grad school at the same time (and are kind of frenemies… or rather, H is jealous of C’s professional success). So H is kind of dating his intellectual niece. And they work in the same subject area. Which just kinda strikes me as a little off… but whatever. Academia is full of incest.
Anyway, the point was that W sent me the following e-mail:
This message is to deliver the news that the [name of fellowship] Postdoctoral Fellow for next year will be [B].
This was a very difficult decision for me to make, and in no aspect was it more difficult than that I won’t be able to offer the postdoc to you. I have several other highly deserving finalists to whom to deliver this same news, but I am telling you first in order to get over with the message that will be the most painful one for me to write.
Whenever I do these searches, and become aware of the highly qualified people who don’t yet have jobs, it makes me sad and angry and makes me wish I had more of these postdocs than just the one. If by any chance you do get a job, please tell me. And if you can think of any way I can help, please get in touch right away.
Which is very nice and all, but… if it was that hard for you, you could have just given me the fucking job.
It’s not even December and I already feel like if I see another job application form I’m going to scream.
Why does this application want a list of publications separate from my CV? I know it’s an open-rank position, but are there senior applicants with lists of publications so long that they only put the highlights on their CV? They really want me to upload a separate document to list my publications, all 2 of them? What, so they can laugh at all the white space?
employ a hermit to take up residence in your garden folly
employ a philosopher to take up residence in your palace and force him to agree with every decision you make so you look wise to the people.
presuming you have the Patience and Fortitude to allow a Philosopher within 500 feet of your house.
*dusts of resume*
now, what’s the difference between the two positions bc i bet i could do both.
A philosopher spouts bullshit from inside their comfy house, and a hermit spouts bullshit from a shed in the garden.
does “philosopher” have, like, required certifications? because that could be a stumbling block.
Does someone want to give me a job?
Loki is the Philosopher King 